Only Dead on the Inside: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse // by James Breakwell

 

//published 2017//

Here’s the thing, I really don’t like zombie stuff; I think it’s stupid at best and disgusting at worst.  I’m also not a parent.  But I do follow James Breakwell on Twitter, and he consistently makes me giggle basically every day.  So when he said he was publishing a book, I felt like the least I could do was pay him $12 because even if the book was terrible, well, there are all those times he’s made me laugh without charging me a cent.

However, I needn’t have worried, because Only Dead on the Inside was actually quite funny.  It’s also full of poorly-drawn cartoons and lots of graphs and flowcharts, so there was plenty to keep me reading.  While the advice is generally ridiculous, the book itself is unique and entertaining.  And THEN I got to the chapter on minivans, and even if the entire rest of the book had been terrible, it all would have been worth it for that chapter.  Driving a van is kind of like joining a special club.  People who don’t drive vans just don’t get it.

If you’re a non-minivan driver, right now you’re shaking your head in confusion.  “But I test-drove a minivan once,” you say to yourself.  “It wasn’t that great.”  Wrong.  YOU weren’t that great.  The wand chooses the wizard, Harry.  If you drove a minivan and you didn’t enjoy it, you were not worthy.  You didn’t reject the minivan.  The minivan rejected you.  Have fun being a muggle.

Guys, I basically want to to quote the entire chapter to you.  I just reread it while looking for the perfect quote.  This chapter spoke to me.  Deeply.

Like I said, there are lots of charts and graphs, which I love.  Flow charts consistently make my life better (not sure what that says about me as a person), so I really enjoyed those a great deal.  I also appreciated Breakwell’s many pros/cons lists that can help you decide the best ways to transport your family, keep your kids together, or scavenge for supplies.

My advice?  Check out Breakwell’s Twitter account.  If it makes you tilt your head in confusion, don’t bother with this book.  But if you find yourself quietly snorting in laughter multiple times, you should definitely give this book a go, even if, like me, you don’t have kids or any interest in zombies.